Have you ever noticed that sometimes during your single life you have an abundance of men? I see this very often and I remember it clearly myself. When it rains, it pours. You can go from a drought to a new guy for each night.
The older we become the longer the droughts last, they can go from weeks to months to years. When men approach you in groups, it’s normal to think that it will last forever, kind of like an up market. When the market is up, you never hear talk of what to do when it goes down again, and it always goes down.
During the good times, your brain neglects to plan for the worst but that is exactly what you should do. Instead we get greedy and look for the perfect guy, who (in our mind) is right around the corner. I have a girlfriend who invested in eHarmony and when she signed up, it changed her cosmic aura or something because not only was she meeting men from the site but from being out and about as well. Basically she went from no men to way too many. The next thing I know she’s getting more and more picky about her affection towards them.
For example, I liked this one guy that she met at my birthday party. We were all sitting at the table and this guy went straight to her and asked her out. I thought he was cute (though to be fair she’s never really been into looks). However, she didn’t give him - or any other guy for that matter - a chance. Instead she found excuses to become emotionally unavailable.
“I don’t like him, he’s too stocky”
“I don’t like that one, he’s too short.”
“I don’t like him…I don’t know why, I just don’t.”
Now it’s New Years and she doesn’t even have a date to take her out. She hasn’t had a date in the last 3 or 4 months.
Please understand that the influx of men will not last forever.
So the next time it rains men, what I’d like you to do is make each guy feel as if he’s the most important person you are dating. The reason why is because when men don’t feel special they leave and even though you are casually dating you don’t want them all leaving you. The power position is where you make the decision to leave.
The other benefit of making a guy feel special is that he will put his best foot forward and in turn that should give you a good platform to make a decision. Make time for all of them, they will fall off on their own anyway because they are also dating other women, but you don’t want to lose them because of your ego. You want to ultimately pick the best one or the one that shines the most.
It’s ok to date more than one guy at a time, the best way to avoid the conversation is by saying that you casually date until you are in a committed relationship.