Serria Says Rules

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

How to Avoid Relationship Purgatory

A friend of mine moved to DC and while we were catching up I told her about my business…you know being a dating coach for Black women and all. She immediately went to a situation that’s been bothering her.

She told me, “I have a girlfriend who has been with a guy for 6 years and she wants to get married but it doesn’t seem like he wants to. She tells the guy that she will never leave him and she won’t. Can you give me one sentence to have my friend get out of that situation? ”

Hells yeah, I sure can. The sentence is, “Allow a man to see the amazing wife and mother you will be while staying just out of reach so he has to make you his wife to get the full package.”  

Once you start being a “ride or die chick” without being a wife, then you’ve lost.  He already has everything he wants without the security that you desire. If your final goal is marriage then you have lost, big time.

Think about it! If you were to go to a carwash and they washed and detailed your car for free all the time but then all of a sudden they wanted you to pay, I bet you would stop going to that car wash.  I know I would! And you know what else? The next car wash that I go too, I will do my homework. They will get paid but I’d get the best value. I would never pay the car wash that I took for free. It’s just human nature, we don’t value free shit.

Relationship purgatory is best for men because it allows the woman to be monogamous without the man truly committing. It doesn’t really work for women because each year that we lose, makes us “less marketable.” (Not really but men tell us this lie). The worst thing that a guy can think of is a another man in your sweet honey pot, sorry to be crass but it is! A man will marry you to avoid that but if there is no threat, why does he have to?

As heterosexual women, we are quite fond of love rods and if you aren’t married then you should have the freedom to play with every twig and berry of your liking, whether you chose to or not. Ideally you should be so hot and in demand that the boyfriend should understand that you adore him but if he’s not playing by the rules another man will come and snatch you right from under him.

Live in that world ladies!

You are not winning by being in an uncommitted relationship, you aren’t! You are missing out! You are the prize and if he’s not on board, that is fine because there is no shortage of men checking for you.


Most purgatory happens because the chick can not afford to move, keep two months savings. And consult with a palimony attorney to see if you are entitled to financial support from the long term boyfriend.

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